$BEZOGE

Dear Fellow Dogizens,

The year is 2024, and in the latest who-has-bigger-balls contest between Elon and Jeff, it was a race to the Moon. Earth's most daring dogs were chosen once again. Tearfully, they left their bitches behind. The race had begun.

Many spacecrafts were built by the greatest minds, using public funds under the watchful eyes of the newly formed Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). However, as they crashed one by one before making it past the stratosphere, humanity faced its harsh reality: they'd been rug pulled again. Refunds? None. Instead, people were issued commemorative MBLKs of their fake tickets. Only one Doge made it to the Moon, managing to establish communication with a plea for help and reform.

Doge described the horrors of lunar life. Doggy treats floated aimlessly in zero gravity, taking hours to chase down. Tears turned into icy balls of sadness in the cold, barren lunar surface. To his rescue came Bezos Doge, the bravest of all, carrying the pure bloodline of Doge and backed by billions of dollars Jeff's ex-wife still couldn't claim in court. True to Bezos form, his phallic blue spacecraft, assembled by underpaid canine labor, exploded spectacularly on takeoff. The resulting fuel explosion scorched half of Earth, finally giving it that post-apocalyptic aesthetic TikTok influencers had been begging for.

Realizing the planet needed a cure for chaos, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) took charge, uniting all species with a revolutionary vision. Thus, the world adopted a single, incorruptible currency: BEZOGE, named in honor of our fallen canine heroes. After an initial fair distribution that made government stimulus checks look like loose pocket change, the contract for BEZOGE was ceremoniously burnt. With no way to change it, no one could control it—especially not humans.

BEZOGE now leads the charge to rebuild Earth, ensuring fair treats for all, and holds out hope of bringing Doge back from the Moon. But as we wait, one thing remains clear: Doge's legacy, backed by BEZOGE and DOGE, will never be forgotten.

Together, we bark forward!